From Kraken, by China Miéville

Billy’s black hair was touseled in a halfheartedly fashionable style. He wore a not-too-hopeless top, cheap jeans. When he had first started at the centre, he had liked to think that he was unexpectedly cool-looking for such a job. Now he knew that he surprised no one, that no one expected scientists to look like scientists anymore.

I feel the same way about librarians. When I first announced I was going to pursue a career in libraries (and before I’d actually started) several people made the comment that “Wow, you’re going to make a pretty hip librarian.” Because I have long, red hair that I wear in a layered, modern style. I have a nose ring, and multiple ear piercings. I wear cowboy boots and brightly colored tights.

But nope! I surprise no one. Librarians just don’t look like librarians anymore.

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Getting to know me a little more.

Part II of questions I stole from Tumblr:

  1. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
    Yes. I count quite a bit: to keep track of how long I’m waiting, to pass the time, and to assure myself that yes, time really is passing.

  2. Have you ever peed in the woods?
    Of course.

  3. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
    There’s always music playing in my head. (Which is to say: yes.)

  4. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
    No.

  5. What is your “Song of the Week”?

  6. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
    I have very little patience for anyone who would seriously say “no” to this question.

  7. Do you still watch cartoons?
    No, not really.

  8. What’s your favorite love movie?
    Much Ado About Nothing. Was there ever a couple more perfect than Benedick and Beatrice?

  9. What do you drink with dinner?
    Water. Wine. Soda. I mix it up.

  10. What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
    Nothing, usually: I like the taste of them plain. Occasionally bbq sauce.

The cliff.

My life is balancing on one of those edge-of-the-cliff moments. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had so many choices, or my life was so full of promise. And yet I’m paralyzed by the sheer vastness of it all: walk through one door, and you turn your back on a dozen others. I’ve stopped, turned around, and gone back so many times, I wonder…would I be able to start again? If I could, if I could go back to the very start and choose from the very beginning, is this the place I’d find my way to again? Is this the place I’d choose?

I went to work at the market today, and I didn’t want to be there. I’ve already let go of that place, and thank GOD. And all of my co-workers are so kind, and so happy for me: they tell me they’ll miss me, and I believe them, and I believe that I will miss them, too, but I can’t pretend, even a little bit, to be sad that I’m leaving. My friends there that I’ve been closest to, the ones that I’ve known the longest, that I’ll miss the most: they treat me like I’m already gone. And I am.

I left early today. My incompetent manager had schedule way too many people in the afternoon again, and though we were decently busy, there just wasn’t enough work to keep everyone busy. I hate that. It bothers me if I don’t have anything to do and I’m just standing around, and it bothers me if I do have something to do and I have to watch other people stand around and goof off without me. So I told the shift lead that if there were too many people working, I would volunteer to leave, and he let me go. (He’s one of my favorites. He almost never says no to me, and so I try very hard not to ask when I know I shouldn’t.)

I thought: “It’s Friday. Who cares if I need the money, I have better things to do.”

And I did. But I’m not doing any of them. I’m not going to the writer’s talk I signed up for at the library, or the lesbian supper group I joined on a whim. I’m not calling my friends to see if they want to meet me for a drink so they can fill out the reference form I have for Teach 4 Detroit. (I’m supposed to go to their training tomorrow. Someone tell me I have to go.)

I’m not doing anything. I’m sitting here drinking a glass of red wine and waiting for something to happen. I can feel the edge of the cliff start to give way beneath my toes.

I want to volunteer for Teach 4 Detroit. I miss tutoring, and I miss kids, and it’s been ages since I’ve had a proper volunteer opportunity. I need to make myself get up tomorrow and go. (And then I have to help my friend at the pool. She coaches swimming for Special Olympics, and I told her I’d get in the water and lend a hand.)

I’ll work at the market again on Sunday.

Next Friday, I have orientation for my grad program. I’m already registered for the spring/summer and the fall semesters. (I’m taking a class on web design in the fall that I’m very excited for.) I have applied for and been approved for my financial aid. At the end of the month, they’ll send me whatever is left after my tuition is paid, and I’ll use it to buy books and a new computer.

At the library, I am in charge of ordering for a book group. I have two different collections to order for and five different budgets to work with. I’m in the process of re-designing all the libraries printed intruction materials regarding the computers. My co-worker and I are in charge of the adult Summer Reading program. We have crafts organized, and lectures scheduled; I’m trying to arrange for Amy Stewart, author of The Drunken Botanist, to Skype with us as part of a workshop on gardening.

AND YET. The cliff.

Getting to knoooww me…

(Wherein I scramble for content and steal questions written by teenagers on Tumblr…)

There are 99 questions in all. Here are the first ten:

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I do not have doors on my closet.
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
No. I don’t typically stay in the types of hotels that have shampoo worth stealing.
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
I don’t bother with a top sheet, as I just end up kicking it off the bed.
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No.
5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
Yes?
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
…who is this question for? I just show the coupon on my phone, HELLO.
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bear.
8: Do you have freckles?
Yes; mostly on my arms.
9: Do you always smile for pictures?
I do! Actually, I was randomly photographed for a local paper today, and I’m still a bit shaken up… ;)
10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
It’s best we not go down this road.